Welcome to Sydney Saves Lives. I’m Sydney, a Cinema Studies major with a Psychology minor. I am taking it upon myself to use my talents of nosiness, cinema knowledge, and a soft background in psychoanalysis to dutifully serve the STATIC readership. Every other week, readers can send in their favorite films and a problem, and I will give you the advice you need.
Graphic by Xanthe Massey
Dear Sydney,
I’m crushing big time on an Irish guy I met a couple months ago and I’m starting to think he might like me back. We’re meeting up for a study hangout this Wednesday. What do I do?
Signed, Lover of Leprechauns.
Favorite Film: The Ritual (2017, dir. David Bruckner)
Dear Lover of Leprechauns,
Bring up James Joyce somehow. I’m kind of joking, but not really. It shows a level of fascination with the Irish and also suggests that you’re well-read. If he asks your favorite Joyce novel, then just fake faint and end the hangout there. Ask him what he’s working on and also if he knows anything about what you’re working on. This seems counterintuitive to a “study hangout,” but you should spend as little time working as possible. You could also take a page out of the Clueless book and show some skin while drawing attention to your mouth using one of those pens with the fuzz on the end. But, this approach is a bit heavy-handed. Though, sometimes it is best to be forward.
Make sure you don’t end the hangout without already having a plan made to see him again. Also, try an Irish accent. He might find it charming.
With love, Sydney.
Dear Sydney,
I got dumped out of the blue yesterday in the middle of Think Coffee in under 15 minutes. So, feeling pretty bad. Any advice is helpful.
Signed, Sad Person.
Favorite Film: Casablanca (1942, dir. Michael Curtiz)
Dear Sad Person,
First of all, this person is a huge asshole. Think Coffee is a horrible venue for a breakup. They should have at least taken you to La Colombe. Clearly, this demonstrates that they have poor taste and aren’t considerate nor tactful. Consider this a blessing. They would have just kept wasting your time, but now you’re free to find someone that’s kinder.
I assume you’re a fellow college student, so have faith in the fact that you’re going to have several more relationships in your life and they will likely be better than this one. Even if they aren’t much better, you’re bound to learn something about yourself along the way. You’re a catch with a great taste in film, and you deserve a classic love like Rick Blaine and Ilsa Lund. I don’t think either of them would dump the other in the middle of a Think Coffee. Maybe in an airplane hangar, but never in Think Coffee.
With love, Sydney.
Dear Sydney,
I’m just feeling that things are really changing in my life and I’m just lost. My ride or dies are slowly drifting. They will drop in for the important stuff, but the little stuff—like everyday things—are so few and far between. I feel like a burden. I’m feeling alone. I don’t know if they are there for me just to live. We would go out and travel the unknown as they used to be so down. It’s the little things like wanting to hang out and current missing events. It’s like they are not a part of my life. I miss having them take part of my life.
I know they love me, but they are not a part of my life. I get they have a lot going on with their life and school, but this is the last year we are really going to be this free again. I know it’s not fair for me to depend on them so much. Honestly, selfish of me. I miss them in my life without it feeling like a burden to have them put effort in doing something with me.
Signed, M.
Favorite Film: Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022, dir. Daniel Scheinert and Daniel Kwan), but right now it’s Closer (2004, dir. Mike Nichols).
Dear M,
It’s not selfish to be dependent on your friends, but it does indicate that this is a good time for growth. Unfortunately, drifting apart happens all the time. “People come into your life for a reason or for a season,” or whatever that saying is.
You’re not a burden. You’re a human being with needs and that’s allowed and actually encouraged. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your feelings to your friends and seeing how they respond. If they don’t take much interest, then maybe they are not the people for you. And, also, make peace with the possibility that you guys are drifting apart. Not saying that’s definitely the case, but it couldn’t hurt to learn to be okay with it. You’re strong enough to stand on your own two feet and, as you keep living and trying new things, you’re bound to make plenty of new friends.
No matter what, you’ll remain cordial with these “ride or dies,” even if you’re not as close. It’s always good to have relationships you can rekindle later. Think of the googly-eyed rocks in Everything Everywhere All at Once: they don’t communicate much, but they’re always side-by-side. Take time to evaluate how much these friendships mean to you. Don’t be afraid of the future; it’s up to us to make time to be “free” and prioritize the things and people that we love. Graduating doesn’t immediately mean that you’ll be stuck at work all the time.
With love, Sydney.