Welcome to Sydney Saves Lives. I’m Sydney, a Cinema Studies major with a Psychology minor. I am taking it upon myself to use my talents of nosiness, cinema knowledge, and a soft background in psychoanalysis to dutifully serve the STATIC readership. Every other week, readers can send in their favorite films and a problem, and I will give you the advice you need.
Dear Sydney,
So I graduated NYU last year. Still can’t get a job. Whimsically moved to Australia on a work and holiday (tourist) visa but I’m in love with Melbourne’s music industry. Met a guy (broke but heart full of gold) around Valentine’s day. Now I’m starting to fall for him. In order to extend my work visa I need a work sponsorship OR a partner visa. Otherwise I will have to go home (don’t want to). His friends are dropping hints that the guy is going to “ask me” something soon. What the actual fuck do I do? I don’t even have a job.
Signed,
Cheyenne Jones.
Favorite Film: Dirty Dancing (1987)
Dear Cheyenne,
Honestly, this seems fine. Financially ruinous, but totally romantic. I’m a bit concerned about you only knowing this guy since Valentine’s Day. Sounds like neither of you are necessarily a “breadwinner,” but maybe you can put your heads together and open a flower shop or something.
On the job front, my best advice is that you need to make applying to everything available—everything—your full-time job for the time being. The job market is abysmal, and you might have to take a job shoveling dung at a kangaroo sanctuary or something. It sounds like the partner visa is more promising than a work sponsorship right now.
I fear it’s time to Muriel’s Wedding it. He’s poor, so what? He has an Australian accent and a heart of gold. You’re a fan of Dirty Dancing, so clearly you are a true romantic.
His friends are sending all the signals that he wants to propose to you. This is kind of perfect. Is it a huge risk marrying a man you’ve only known for two months? Yes, but that’s why they created divorce.
Enjoy your partner visa!
With love,
Sydney.
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Dear Sydney,
I’m a freshman and I don’t necessarily have a big friend group or a friend group at all but it seems like everyone around me has found their people. Am I doomed for life?
Signed,
Anon.
Favorite Film: Aftersun (2022)
Dear Anon,
No, you are not doomed in any sense of the word. Spoiler: most, if not all, of those friend groups will dissolve by sophomore year.
Personally, I only met one of my longtime friends freshman year. Meeting people with similar interests is more important than meeting a ton of people in your first year.
Do some extracurriculars you like (WNYU is always an excellent choice), go to parties when invited, and talk to people in your classes. For example, I met my longtime friend in an Acting Shakespeare class freshman year. Classmates are a great source of meeting folks because they’re required to see you several times a week (if attendance is graded, of course).
Freshman year is an adjustment period. You’re just getting used to being away from your family and being an “adult” for the first time. Don’t focus too much on the social pressure. Not every season of your life can be The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Do your laundry. Study for your finals. Take a dance class. There’s plenty to do instead of worrying about your future friendships.
With love,
Sydney.
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Dear Sydney,
None of my crushes ever like me back… ever. What’s with this grueling phenomenon? I’m being constantly told by friends and close family to “focus on myself,” when something doesn’t stick. Ironic part is… I’m forever working on myself. When will something stick?
Signed,
A True Piscean Diva.
Favorite Film: A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
Dear Piscean Diva,
I’m a Gemini, so we may be astrologically incompatible, but I share your troubles. I wonder if it’s the result of a hex. I get through it by reminding myself that if a person was truly for me, then they wouldn’t pass me by.
Our imaginations are powerful. You might be prone to fantasy, so finding out your crush doesn’t like you isn’t just parting with whatever relationship you actually have with them, but it is also parting with the future you’ve imagined. Try to picture them doing something really unattractive, like shucking oysters or not covering their cough in a packed lecture hall. Or, develop another crush on the next person that’s nice to you and put your energy into that. That’s what I prefer.
Finding out your crush doesn’t like you back can feel like Lucy pulling the football away. For example, you might make out with your roommate on a class trip to Ireland and then find out that their boyfriend disapproves. Or, you might take a guy to a Mitski concert and two weeks later ask to go out for drinks, just to find out he started dating someone in the interim. In each of these completely made up hypotheticals, you get your hopes up and then dashed. That’s okay! You learn from each unrequited love. I recommend you write something, paint a picture, or make a playlist every time one of these crushes doesn’t work out. Then, at least, you end up with a piece of art.
I understand the exhaustion with the platitude of “focus on yourself.” Sometimes, you want to learn about yourself via a relationship with another rather than the relationship with yourself. Your 20s are for learning about yourself through relationships.
I’ve consistently been “boy crazy,” despite never once having a partner, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Pursue love freely!
Although, love is like a printer: it won’t work if it can sense that you want it too much. Desperation is, allegedly, very offputting, and indifference is totally in.
I’m wishing you the best of luck. Love will happen for you! I hope.
With love,
Sydney.